1. "I'm gonna kill her"
2. "Shit, They found the body"
3. "Where's my lawyer?"
4. "He's still alive?"
5. "They've got nothing on me"
6. "I thought I got rid of the evidence"
7. "I told him to hide the body in the boiler, not the shed"
8. "Fuck"
9. "I didn't do it"
10. "Can they convict me on heresay?"
17. There is no "I" in "teamwork." But there is in "management kiss-up."
16. If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.
15. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
14. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG 14 times gives you job security.
13. If you think we're a bad company, you should see the competition.
12. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings--they did it by killing all those who oppose them.
11. We put the "k" in "kwality."
10. 2 days without a human rights violation.
9. Your job is STILL better than asking, "You want fries with that?"
8. We build great products when we feel like it and don't have any reason to call in sick.
7. If at first you don't succeed, try management.
6. Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
5. The beatings will continue until morale improves.
4. Pride, Commitment, Teamwork. Words we use to get you to work for free.
3. If at first you don't succeed, delegate it.
2. Plagiarism saves time.
1. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It reduces stress
3. It leads to more honest communications.
4. It reduces complaints about low pay.
5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.
6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.
8. It encourages carpooling.
9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care.
10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
11. It makes fellow employees look better.
12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they have had a couple of drinks.
14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
