One day a cat loses its ninth life causes and goes to heaven.
There he meets the Lord Himself. The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let me know."
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor."
The Lord stops the cat and says, "Say no more" and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident and go to heaven. Again the Lord them and makes the same offer.
The mice answer, "All of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms. We are tired of running. Do you think we could fit us with roller skates so we don't have to run anymore?"
The Lord says, "No problem" and suddenly each mouse has a beautiful pair of roller skates.
About a week later the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing happily on the pillow. The Lord gently wakes him and asks, "How are things since you are here?"
The cat slowly stretches out his legs. "It’s wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected.” he replies, “And those Meals On Wheels you keep sending by are absolutely brilliant!!!"
Q: What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?
A: Lipstick.
Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching post. "Don't worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have him trained in no time."
I watched for several days as my husband patiently "trained" our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson.
The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa.
